My new job started last Monday. They're big on getting their employees edjamukated so they offer a bunch of really amazing books online for free. I'm reading Digital Capitalism: Networking the Global Market System Here's a quote "This utopian vision—Internet as salvation—expresses ancient yearnings. Historical detoxification through scientific knowledge: the truth—information?—will make us free." This is the kind of book I can see myself actually finishing. My favorite book ever is Catcher in the Rye. I never finished it.


I've had a couple of therapists in my life, none of them succeeded in meeting my stringent requirements of delivering eternal bliss. My main question for them was "am I normal?" My problem is that I try to have intellectual pissing contests with them. So now I'm burying myself in a mountain of movies. I'm considering upgrading my Netflix account to the next level. I watched Y tu Mama Tambien yesterday. According to my theory, because it got good reviews it mustn't have had a happy ending. My theory was correct! It was a good movie though. Funny and real including some America bashing. That movie made me want to move to Mexico.

I'm beginning to wonder what I want to do for a living. I work for a Fortune 500 company and make decent money for someone my age and have my own office with a 20'' LCD monitor... but I find myself writing and reading non work related things to entertain myself when I get home. I don't doubt that I could make a decent chunk of change in business but I'm worried that I'll become trapped in the vicious cycle of workoholism. I'd like to retire young and sleep in forever, buy a bunch of really expensive types of booze and actually be able to tell them apart. Would that mean sacrificing my youth? Is that an incredibly selfish wish?

My character in the book is going to need a small group of odd friends. That and a neurotic love interest.

Here are the movies I've watched in May:
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie,
Matchstick Men,
Commanding Heights: The Battle for the World Economy: The New Rules of the Game,
Commanding Heights: The Battle for the World Economy: The Agony of Reform,
Commanding Heights: The Battle for the World Economy: The Battle of Ideas,
Big Fish,
Bloody Sunday,
The French Connection,
Life and Debt,
The Billabong Odyssey,
Y Tu Mama Tambien

That works out to about $2 a movie which is fine with me considering it's almost $5 + late fees at BallBusters.


I've been watching a bunch of movies and a common theme is starting to emerge. In the crappy movies the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie. In "good" movies, the guy comes very close to getting the girl but then they decide that it's better if they just go their separate ways. Casablanca, Mississippi Burning, Chinatown, etc. Why though? Because the bastards smart enough to get paid to write movie reviews are also among the most cynical. Suspension of disbelief = bliss = ignorance. The truth hurts but lies hurt worse?

Well I was thinking of writing a book that goes something like this.
A biologist, studying the habits of small, furry, monogamous woodland mammals understands the cold, inevitable truth that love is a byproduct of evolution meant to increase the fitness and therefore survival of the couple's offspring. Unfortunately he's unable to relate this truth to his own life. The prairie vole is a slave to nature, its only destiny is reproduction and death. The most heart wrenching thing I've seen lately is two of my drinking buddies that decided to go to the sperm bank to make a few extra dollars. When they returned they had a dejected look, the look of a quarter billion years of rejection, the look of two men with low sperm counts.

This would be an interesting area of research for a book.

What if men began to thwart the loneliness of modern city living with genetic philanthropy? This new group has an understanding that to fight human nature is to fight a losing battle. They understand that the rigors of modern life don’t have to mean a sacrifice of the one thing that we as men were designed to do. Spread our genes in a futile attempt to shape the future of this wacky planet. A shallow pursuit perhaps but also the chance at subconscious contentedness. Ahh and now it has a name… “The Invisible Harem” The main character will have his heart predictably broken before realizing the parallels with the creature he has devoted his life to. He adopts the voles and they live in his home, a perrenial reminder of his failure as a mammal, then story really begins. That could be a subtitle. Invisible Harem - Failure as a Mammal. Here is an interesting definition of Harem I found... A group of female animals (cows) herded and controlled by a male animal (bull)of that species for breeding purposes. Such behaviour is exhibited by bovids including cattle and buffalo as well as moose, elephants, seals, sealions, sea elephants. I'm going to sleep on this and try to write a little bit more of the story before I go to bed every night.

EDIT: Wouldn't ya know it? There's already a book by that name. OK so it's now know as Failure as a Mammal.


I signed up for Netflix and I've rented a bunch of documentaries. I've watched one on Bloody Sunday, the Irish Civil Rights massacre, Commanding Heights, the story of Global Economics and Life and Debt, a view of the IMF, Worldbank and the US from the eyes of ordinary Jamaicans.

Sometimes I look at people of faith and wish I could just forget what I know about science, human nature and history and just live with hope. I guess if you read enough you start to realize that the only way to live a decent life is by either doing something about the current state of affairs or you teach people in the hope that they'll do something. The more I read about America, recently Rawanda and Jamaica, the more I become disgusted with our excesses, materialism and self serving politics. I'd love to see a President say "screw a second term, I'm going to do what's right"

I'm starting to get the feeling that it's impossible to separate culture from economics, religion from politics. If that's the case and that's the case because of human nature then what's our future? Even if people are educated they still have to make conscious decisions to counteract their short term instincts. That's hard. Cognitive therapy seems to work, you constantly monitor your stream of thoughs and apply rational criticism to them. It's an interesting idea. It works the same way as a turbocharger in a car. The exhaust from the engine spins a compressor to make more power.

I'm going to have to continue this next time because I'm headed to a restaurant on the beach for breakfast. I think I'm not going to take it for granted.