10.29.2003

Lots of people lost their homes and some lost their lives in these fires. It reminds me of 9/11 but there's nobody to blame except mother nature or our lack of understanding of her. The main feeling I get from this fire is the huge amount of ignorance we still have concerning this planet. Even today people are building multi-million dollar houses in the middle of Eucalyptus groves. The fact that nobody really believed that this could happen is proof enough for me. I don't believe that it's un-informed individuals that led to this. I would have bought a house out there if I had the money. We don't have an awareness of what we're doing when it comes to interacting with any other living things or systems on this planet. Emeril might be the most well know person who deals with nature on a regular basis and he's usually dicing it into delicious meals.

San Diego is really hurting right now. We had major issues with the wealth divide and now these fires are going to drive out a lot of the people who were debating if they should stay or go. I love San Diego but I just can't afford to live here much longer. I'm making a decent amount of money for a recent college grad too but it's just not feasible unless you move out into the fire prone, massive commute areas. The city is doing fairly well, I like the way Dick Murphy is holding things down but there is no Mayor of SD County despite what some of our local newscasters tell us. This county needs leadership and it needs local leadership. Bill Horn is the best at it right now and I'm not just saying that because I've met him a few times. People seem to like Ron Roberts but when you see him in person it seems like he's not really convinced that he's cut out for the job, even if he may be.

The picture I posted to the right really bothers me. I'm not sure if it's because he's an elderly guy or because of the look on his face. I'm just trying to figure out how to wrap my mind around the magnitude of what this has done to families in San Diego. At least there is the upside, land here is so ridiculously expensive that the financial value of the homes that sat atop the land is worth a lot less than the hot dirt left behind.

An interesting note. I hate to admit that I watched the news about these fires with curiosity and awe instead of sadness until I sat down and started at that photo and wrote about it.

10.08.2003

I'm a professional crastinator. In my search for the meaning of life I came across some good advice. I try to motivate myself first and actually do what needs to be done second. I read that the best way not to procrastinate is to just get started on the task then worry about motivation. Sounds crazy but it looks like it's working. I've got a nasty case of Social Anxiety Disorder. I get freaked out standing in crowds unless I've got some booze in me. Part of that is that I'm a sloppy perfectionist. If that sounds like a contradiction you can imagine the frustration of being human being on a daily basis. So my therapist tells me I'm a jackass and I just need to learn to live with that. I like the jovial jackass theory. It's like accepting that ignorance is bliss.

If I take an honest look at the world it's hard to giggle. So if I want to be happy do I have to be dishonest with myself? The media has unnecessarily depressing stories but they don't even cover the truly sad events unless a plane happens to crash in the middle of it. Maybe being angry and depressed is the correct response to the world but I'm feeling those things for the wrong reason. How can I not volunteer and feel like a worthy human? Maybe this procrastination trick can work out for me.

10.01.2003

I read that anxiety is at record levels in America. Why? Because we have collectively given up on religion so we're left to figure out our own moral codes by ourselves. We work too much and don't get enough sleep. I know why rich people fear globalization. Homogenous populations distribute weath more evenly. Our standard of living here in America is higher than just about everybody else. That's probably going to change as boards of directors realize that Americans have been ridiculously over paid for decades. Even high tech jobs are being outsourced to India by the hundreds of thousands. The added cost involved in sustaining our healthcare system due to it's non nationalized status is huge. It's just making health insurance providers rich. They're probably investing their money overseas. Developing nations are going to kick ass but the standard of living will jump for the entire planet even though we'll see a dip in America initially as we leak power. I know it'll take decades to happen but I hope I'm alive to see it.