10.08.2003

I'm a professional crastinator. In my search for the meaning of life I came across some good advice. I try to motivate myself first and actually do what needs to be done second. I read that the best way not to procrastinate is to just get started on the task then worry about motivation. Sounds crazy but it looks like it's working. I've got a nasty case of Social Anxiety Disorder. I get freaked out standing in crowds unless I've got some booze in me. Part of that is that I'm a sloppy perfectionist. If that sounds like a contradiction you can imagine the frustration of being human being on a daily basis. So my therapist tells me I'm a jackass and I just need to learn to live with that. I like the jovial jackass theory. It's like accepting that ignorance is bliss.

If I take an honest look at the world it's hard to giggle. So if I want to be happy do I have to be dishonest with myself? The media has unnecessarily depressing stories but they don't even cover the truly sad events unless a plane happens to crash in the middle of it. Maybe being angry and depressed is the correct response to the world but I'm feeling those things for the wrong reason. How can I not volunteer and feel like a worthy human? Maybe this procrastination trick can work out for me.

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