For Love of Monkey

I envy the monkey lifestyle. Maybe because we toil in cubicles the majority of our lives so that we might have a chance to go on a brief vacation and live like monkeys for a little while. I think they secretly laugh at our artificial banana flavorings and anthropomorphic arrogance. Like Adam Smith's "invisible hand" the remnants of our ancient poo hurling justice system are still reflected in modern movements like tort reform and the constitutionally protected mud slinging of modern political campaigning.

Two strange things have recently happened, life expectancy is dropping for the first time and birth rates are declining in first world nations. From http://www.taipeitimes.com "Twenty years ago, the US, the richest nation on the planet, led the world's longevity league. Today, American women rank only 19th, while males can manage only 28th place, alongside men from Brunei.

These startling figures are blamed by researchers on two key factors: obesity, and inequality of health care. A man born in a poor area of Washington can have a life expectancy that is 40 years less than a woman in a prosperous neighborhood only a few blocks away, for example."

People are dying young because of our ability to make cheap unhealthy food. People aren't having kids because we're smart enough to use contraception and question the logic of bringing a kid into a world comprised of corrupt politicians, terrorism, religious fundamentalism, pollution, WMD, etc. Who the hell can afford to have a kid anyway? You need a two income family to survive these days which means there is the inevitable lifelong guilt associated with not being there for the kid.

Hairy backs used to be what kids would cling to when we wandered the forrests eating nuts and berries. Now people with back hair are condescendingly referred to as bears. Reverse anthropomorphism as criticism proves my earlier point. I refuse to shave my hairy chest, it's a silent tribute to our furry brethren of the forrest.