A blessing and a curse: my brain doesn't stop working even if I really want it to. That's the main reason I'm a fan but not a practitioner of Eastern religions. I tried meditation when I was a kid, after a while I got these weird sensations like I was grabbing an electric fence combined with a weird surge of egomania and goosebumps. Kind of cool but I was worried about damaging some circuitry.
Later in life after rejecting Christianity I bought a book on Budhissm. The fact that nobody ends up in the firey depths of hell for all eternity somehow appealed to me. You're told to focus on clearing your mind of all thoughts. I couldn't get the image of pink elephants out of my head. The fact that I have ADD didn't help either.
I started measuring stats on this blog a week or so ago and I've got a few readers. A lot more people read the developer diary for my driving game project, 6000+ so far. It's sorta weird to think that that many people are interested in something I'm working on. I'm usually really hard on myself. Not quite sure why but probably becuase of my unaffected upbringing. Anyhooo, I had my weird little hobby, driving simulators, that I was totally obsessed with. It's been said that driving a car very fast is one of the most difficult things to do. That and hitting a fastball. I think I like a challenge because I race my car and can hit a fastball. Anybody sensing my ADD? OK so I started out idolizing these magical people who could with their godlike coding abilities and limitless imaginations recreate and simulate reality. The fact that they were simulating fast cars was what really sealed the deal for me. My former idols are now offering me advice and assistance with my current project, I get to work with people from all over the world which is giving me great perspective on what exactly I am as an American. Software is the first thing to benefit from the collaborative process made possible by the Internet. We software geeks know how to setup Subversion repositories and chat rooms and discussion boards so it makes sense that we'd be the first to take advantage of the net for purposes other than just simple email and web browsing.
So I drove the simulators because I couldn't afford to wreck real cars, I got really good at it too. I also built up relationships in my virtual racer buddy world. I can travel through Europe right now and I'd know people in just about every country. Eventually I wrote some articles for the websites that cover simulated racing software and was even invited to help test some of the software. I've raced real life racing drivers and watched them on Speed TV racing million dollar cars just days later. It's a very unique virtual world, lots of very intelligent people and even real race car drivers show up to the online races to compete with us mere mortals.
I'm usually really good at things I'm passionate about. I'm passionate about Linux, OpenSource software. The Utilitarian in me constantly reminds me about standards of living. I think that's why I have a love for Open Source ideals, globalism, freedom of information, etc. I get glimpses of what could be. I don't want to get old but I hate not living in the future.